Lesbians, Sure There Is Intercourse Together But That Doesn’t Mean ‘Lady Code’ Are Dry | GO Mag

Eons before we came running from the dirty, dark and dismal direct closet and marched into the bright dyke world, I was a staunch follower of “girl rule.” Perhaps it’s because i am one particular annoying agencies produced with a ravenous thirst for ~justice~ inside messed up globe. Perhaps i am simply my personal mom’s child (my personal mom is the moral dictator for the Eastern Seaboard). Or possibly I’m simply a self-righteous bitch.

Zara at 18 Years Of Age, Child Lesbian

Pic by Owen Gould

No matter the reason; i am a staunch follower of “girl rule” since those flushed adolescent human hormones banged in around get older 10.

Just what actually


“girl signal?”  Girl rule is actually a code whereby all women who’re generally supportive regarding gender, abide by. Its an unspoken pair of guidelines, set-in location centuries before by all of our foremothers, assure we manage our very own sort. It really is primal. Animal.

This means that even when we oh-so-fiercely detest that vile witch whom sits two cubicles out, we’re going to


offer the girl a tampon whenever she actually is bleeding through the woman bleached white trousers.

Lady code is actually grounded on the built-in sisterhood we tell all ladies, whether or not we do not know all of them directly. We show an unspoken bond because only we see the hardships, the difficulties, and also the inevitable stress which comes together with getting a lady in a fuckboy’s world.

When I had been eleven I found myself heartbroken whenever I observed smart-mouthed Brittany* a platinum-haired volleyball star “take” the date of Ashley* a freckle-faced academic.

“How COULD SHE?!” we gasped to my personal best friend Suzie Goldstein over a carton of candy dairy in cafeteria.

Suzie, additionally a die-hard girl coder, sadly hung her mind. “I am not sure, Zara. I’m not sure.”

Many years later on I had a “crush” on a pretty-faced long-lashed child who had been the spitting picture of


(as I forced myself to “destroy” on boys, I always went for rather males whom bore impressive resemblances into the lovely queer girl pop performers today).

Trouble ended up being, mentioned son had when dated a buddy of my own. I inquired the girl if she minded basically dated her older lesbian looking ex-boyfriend (perhaps not in those words, definitely).

“needless to say we MIND!” she screamed, flinging the woman red velour Juicy Couture backpack to the environment.

I vowed not to test lady signal again.

However turned 20 and began having fun with the ~lesbians~.

I found myself a Sapphic little kitten new throughout the world and even though I decided I’d died and attended lesbian heaven, something truly puzzled me personally (okay, a

couple of

things, but you get in which i want).

Girl signal don’t seem to be as increasingly deep-rooted into my brand-new lesbian pal group. My friends appeared to consistently end up being online dating their own friend’s exes, flirting with taken women and engaging in top-secret matters with women still romantically attached to additional women.

“Wait—no, it’s not possible to do that! It isn’t really LADY code!” I’d shriek within my new buddy Talia, a lady who was usually recklessly smashing woman rule together tan little fists.

Talia would move her glittery green vision. “we are lesbians—it’s different. We


with each other.”

“simply because we now have gender with each other doesn’t mean lady rule goes out the window,” I roared with a feverish power i did not even know I experienced. I found myself 21 with ratty tresses extensions and probably -$20.00 to my name, but We realized during my heart I was dead screwing correct.

Not just should queer women end up being sticking with girl signal (although we perform undoubtedly, have sex with each other, Many gender with one another), it must be cut even much deeper as compared to girl rule that is available within the heteronormative world. Not merely are we under attack by community most importantly because we are female, we’re also under assault by community at large because we are effing QUEER, girls! If there’s actually already been a team of women that should always be tightly bound to the ethics of LADY CODE, it needs to be united states queers. In fact, i might call it “queer rule” but that’s its very own thing, worth its very own article.

But we all, regardless of where we land on the gender range, many of us, just who roll when you look at the queer lady society,


be sticking with girl rule. No conditions.


It really is against “girl code” to aggressively strike on a girl that a girlfriend.

Some time ago I became in the Cubby Hole using my pal Maggie.* A lanky lesbian with a swanky haircut emerged striding toward Maggie. She stomped up to her thereupon very sexual “vagina 1st” strut and she begun to shamelessly flirt with little Maggie. Within seconds, she requested Maggie on a night out together.

Maggie beamed politely (she is southern) and cooed, “that is actually nice, but We have a very severe sweetheart.”

“which is also bad. I’ll buy you a drink anyway.” The lanky lesbian purred, elevating an impressively curved eyebrow.

“don’t get worried regarding it, i acquired it.” Maggie appeared nervously at me personally (the bitchy brand-new Yorker who bites right back).

“allow me to buy you a drink. You’re gorgeous. And hey, you never know where the commitment is certainly going?” Lanky Lezzie cackled, all sex-eyed and throaty-voiced. She place an unwelcome hand on Maggie’s bare shoulder.

At long last, we burst. “Guy! She’s got a girlfriend! It is not simply disrespectful to Maggie, additionally it is disrespectful to the woman GIRLFRIEND. All of us are women! We don’t betray one another like that!” We roared, just like the Lanky Lesbian quickly excused herself for a smoke.

You aren’t only splitting lady code through another girl feel unpleasant for rejecting your own improvements, you are splitting woman code because some poor lesbian is seated at your home innocently chomping on a vegan burrito, as the woman gf is being HIT ON by an other woman.

I am talking about, perhaps she would expect these conduct by drunken bros at the bro club, however the queer bar must be a secure destination! I hold all of us to an increased regular than males (NOT Computer, sorry), not?

Its against “girl code” to inquire about a lady’s authorization to speak with her gf.

Recently I was at huge queer woman celebration when suddenly an arbitrary woman arrives taking walks up to my personal girlfriend and bellows: “could i pose a question to your gf a question?” Right. In. Front Side. Of. Me. As though I found myselfn’t actually freaking indeed there.

Speak about smashing girl signal in to the surface! You’re equating my femininity with weakness, and implying that my leather-based trousers wearing sweetheart is actually my supervisor (GAG!), because she actually is not twirling around in a mini gown like i’m.

PSA: possible twirl about in a minidress nevertheless have a goddamn mind.

Not simply are you currently splitting woman code by judging an other woman exclusively predicated on the woman exterior look and personal style, you are additionally being extremely sexist. You’re asking my personal (a little) much more male presenting girl for authorization to dicuss to “femmey very little me personally.” Hear this females: This mascara lesbian does not have any employer. Maybe not of working. Not in life. And certainly not in screwing love.

Its against lady code up to now, rest with, or flirt together with your pal’s ex (without requesting authorization).

Hunt: periodically i do believe it is completely okay as of yet a buddy’s ex because lez be real. The world is really so little that internet dating a friend’s ex will at some time (probably) end up being inescapable. Particularly if your friends are fabulous, untamed nymphos like mine, while having connected with 90 percent associated with world.

But child woman! You should inquire about permission before venturing into that region.

I’m sure discovering a female you relate with is just as unusual as locating a pearl in a goddamn oyster, however you must keep your self straight back if authorization is certainly not awarded.

It’s against lady rule to flirt along with your friend’s current lover (regardless if it really is innocent).

Near your eyes. Envision you’re at a club seeing another lady splay the woman feet all over your own hetero buddy’s date. You’d consider it had been significantly unacceptable, and most likely inform her all about it, no? Same is true of ladies on lady laps.

Believe me I have a problem with this, major. I’m obviously a lap resting lez, when you look at the the majority of ~simple~ of means. We recklessly plop on the laps of gay boys, lesbians, my mummy, my brother and directly women alike. It’s probably a deep-rooted youth problem of longing for love.

Nevertheless. Which is no reason.

I’ve was required to developed some rigorous borders when considering my buddies’ girlfriends. Even though in my own seriously mascara adorned eyes I’m not “flirting,” it is still WILDLY inappropriate for me to get lapping it up to my buddy’s gf. Or anybody’s girl even.

It may get confusing for people gays.

Oh, we are all girls! It means absolutely nothing!

But if you don’t wish someone’s sweetheart to (rightfully) sock you into the nostrils as you drunkenly perch on the woman’s lap: go sit-in a rose bush as an alternative. It’s a far more sensible choice.

Its against girl rule so that your lost girl go back home with a douchey complete stranger NO MATTER IF SAID STRANGER is actually A FEMALE.

If my personal right best friend Ruba gets uncontrollable wasted and slurs if you ask me that she actually is going home with some douchey looking bro who’s giving me a situation of full human anatomy creeps, We’ll pull this lady from the club kicking and screaming before We let her be in a taxi with him.

Simply because your own intoxicated buddy is certian house with another woman (aka maybe not a


doesn’t invariably mean she will be safe OR won’t awake without terrible regret and embarrassment spirals. We are here to protect our very own buddies from threat AND from pity spirals. Female code, baby.

Generally there it is. Tell me what you think.
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and let me know you differ. This is exactly a discussion, maybe not a lecture, kitten. I’m only your self-proclaimed internet lesbian large sibling, just what hell do i understand?

OH—one even more thing. It really is against girl rule to take care of a girl you’d a-one night stand with similar garbage. Even in the event it is simply a rando hookup (that I entirely endorse) end up being KIND to the lady and pay money for the taxi cab residence. Women are to prevent treat various other women like throwaway adult sex toys, under any situation.